and i've been saying that for the past 19 [soon to be 20, yikes!] years.

so i really have no idea whats the benchmark i'm measuring "the speed at which the year should be passing by"since every year i take up the same lament!

i don't think normal people will understand what i just said:(

I can't decide. either it means that not once in my 19 years of living have I made full use of the year to do whatever i needed and wanted to do, or that in my 19 years i've filled up my life each year with so many things and activities that I love that the year just passed by so quickly. I highly doubt it's the second one since well, school has taken up most of my time, and "activity I love" and "school" don't really fit well together...

2010 was a year of blessings and opportunities for me. God closed a door here, and he opened a door there and gently shoved me through the right door. All i can say is that I've been very blessed, and undeservedly so. And I think i've shared this a zillion times, hence i'm not gonna repeat it. I'm just saying that all my paltry "successes" this year are attributed to the grace of God, cos left alone I'd be in a pretty bad shape.

2011 marks a new decade for me. a decade is 10 years right. I keep mixing it up, cos dozen is twelve. so 2011 marks the 20th year in the life of Eunice. and i'm relieved to be alive till now. I'm looking at where I stand, knowing that much of it is God's grace [okay, make that ALL OF IT] and i'm wondering how next year is going to be like for me.

Which is strange. Because I never really have bought the habit of making new year resolutions. ever since i was 7 and my new year resolution was "i will not chew my fingernails next year" and kersplunk. you all know what happened.

No one actually keeps new year resolutions. So why bother making them in the first place?!

But it's a new year, and a new year doesn't feel right without a new start.

I want to be neater. I want to be more disciplined. I want to be friendlier. I want to be more teachable. I want to have a more willing heart.

I want all, but I can't.

I know that on my own I will fail. Haven't I failed many times before? I Pray that God will help me...slowly but surely. If I aim to do all, I think I'll just fail miserably and give up 2 hours into the new year. So I pray that I change, slowly but surely, to be the woman God wants me to be. Even though at this moment I am far from her.

A brand new year. I headed into 2010 telling 2010 to "watch out! I'm gonna take you by storm". or some other gungho phrase along those lines. Now i cringe at my pseudo bravery. Oh please, I don't have the energy or strength or wisdom or courage to do that.

Whatever I'm going to tell myself this year as I head into 2011, I'll probably cringe at that in 2012 too. But i'm slowly surveying, becoming a wee bit wiser as the year crept by, and I won't do that kind of naive "cowabunga!" kind of thing anymore [i hope]

2011, i'll meet you when it's time(: