and i've been saying that for the past 19 [soon to be 20, yikes!] years.

so i really have no idea whats the benchmark i'm measuring "the speed at which the year should be passing by"since every year i take up the same lament!

i don't think normal people will understand what i just said:(

I can't decide. either it means that not once in my 19 years of living have I made full use of the year to do whatever i needed and wanted to do, or that in my 19 years i've filled up my life each year with so many things and activities that I love that the year just passed by so quickly. I highly doubt it's the second one since well, school has taken up most of my time, and "activity I love" and "school" don't really fit well together...

2010 was a year of blessings and opportunities for me. God closed a door here, and he opened a door there and gently shoved me through the right door. All i can say is that I've been very blessed, and undeservedly so. And I think i've shared this a zillion times, hence i'm not gonna repeat it. I'm just saying that all my paltry "successes" this year are attributed to the grace of God, cos left alone I'd be in a pretty bad shape.

2011 marks a new decade for me. a decade is 10 years right. I keep mixing it up, cos dozen is twelve. so 2011 marks the 20th year in the life of Eunice. and i'm relieved to be alive till now. I'm looking at where I stand, knowing that much of it is God's grace [okay, make that ALL OF IT] and i'm wondering how next year is going to be like for me.

Which is strange. Because I never really have bought the habit of making new year resolutions. ever since i was 7 and my new year resolution was "i will not chew my fingernails next year" and kersplunk. you all know what happened.

No one actually keeps new year resolutions. So why bother making them in the first place?!

But it's a new year, and a new year doesn't feel right without a new start.

I want to be neater. I want to be more disciplined. I want to be friendlier. I want to be more teachable. I want to have a more willing heart.

I want all, but I can't.

I know that on my own I will fail. Haven't I failed many times before? I Pray that God will help me...slowly but surely. If I aim to do all, I think I'll just fail miserably and give up 2 hours into the new year. So I pray that I change, slowly but surely, to be the woman God wants me to be. Even though at this moment I am far from her.

A brand new year. I headed into 2010 telling 2010 to "watch out! I'm gonna take you by storm". or some other gungho phrase along those lines. Now i cringe at my pseudo bravery. Oh please, I don't have the energy or strength or wisdom or courage to do that.

Whatever I'm going to tell myself this year as I head into 2011, I'll probably cringe at that in 2012 too. But i'm slowly surveying, becoming a wee bit wiser as the year crept by, and I won't do that kind of naive "cowabunga!" kind of thing anymore [i hope]

2011, i'll meet you when it's time(:

Obviously she'll know after reading this(: But she showed me how to open my eyes to the 'others' in the world, how to open my heart to notice their needs, and how to open my hand to make a positive difference in somebody's life.

in short, she notices the unnoticeables and she does something about it. I don't think she wants any recognition, which is why i won't mention her name. Yesterday after dinner, while heading back to school, she pulled me aside and said [not verbatim, but something to this effect]: "eh, i think theres an old lady with a lot of bags. I scared she cannot cross the road leh, how? what can we do?"

I stopped and thought. an old lady? why didn't i see her? we decided to turn around to help, leaving the group to go ahead first. and even then i couldn't see, my eyes weren't big enough, or maybe the night was too dark. Only after she pointed out the lady to me did i see her. and then i noticed the amount of plastic bags she had in her hand, and how she was standing at the curbside, of a dark and not quite well-lit road.

and i didn't even notice. too caught up with myself and my own thoughts maybe. or just indifferent and callous to the people around me.

my friend wanted to help her cross the road. we came to a consensus and approached her to ask if she needed any help, and she said she was waiting for her daughter to pick her up in the car. But the smile that lit up her face told me she was touched that there were people who noticed and cared enough to go out of their way to help her [not referring to myself]

i guess i learnt and important lesson that night. how to notice the unnoticeables, and how making a difference in someone's life could be as simple as that.

i couldn't stop thinking about it though, I the believer- the one who didn't notice. I pray that God will give me bigger eyes and a bigger heart:D

disclaimer: in no way, is anyone obliged to get these things for me. of course if you do, i'd be more than happy:D but no, i think the items on my list are WAY too outlandish. plus certain people might have, hmmm, principles against some of these things i want:D

#1: arsenal jersey

amazingly, i don't have one yet:( but i'd really like one. maybe both. maybe the whole team's jerseys to boot! actually, i'd really like the long sleeved goalkeeping one:D

minus the goalkeeper. who isn't very want-able at the moment

#2: my own ranch

YES. i want a RANCH. a RANCH to rear cattle and keep horses[see below] it's a weird fantasy i have to be a rancher. much like a cowgirl. obviously, practically thats retarded. considering i don't even want to keep my own place clean and tidy

what more a ranch!

but still, it is a dream...now, if only singapore was large enough to house my ranch...

#3: HORSES

i want my own horses! I want a BLACK horse [to match my black guitar?] and i want to learn to ride it. gosh, my head is probably too messed up in fiction

because where in singapore will i keep my horse?! maybe in my closet. it's messy enough...

#4:WANT MCFLY TO COME TO SINGAPORE

that would be like a dream, in a dream, in a dream....

yeah, but if they don't come, i'll wait till YEAR3 SEM1, SEP:D

#5: to visit EMIRATES. home of the gunners

home of beautiful football. home of the best players on earth

who haven't won a title 5 years since...but thats another story.

i will persist in being the optimistic gooner. and yeah, wishing that the next premier title is OURS:D

#6 To be surrounded with SHELVES and SHELVES and SHELVES of books:D

to be able to read to my heart's content. to be stranded and marooned in a LIBRARY. the biggest library of all.

hmm, maybe if i could get stuck in the coloseium thats not a bad idea too:D

#7: this is like jumping on the bandwagon. but yeah, i do want an iphone. why? go ask all the other iphone users out there!

#8: AMAZON KINDLE

THE best thing for a bookworm like ME:D

i mean, i don't have to lug THREE books around. esp when i'm travelling cos i do read rather fast...this would save me SPACE! and weight. and maybe someone wouldn't have to carry my laptop around so much if i had more space in my bag:D

#9 and #10: to be surrounded by family and friends:D

cliche, but true. cos it's only when you're surrounded by the people you love and the people who care for you, that you feel the love of christmas

and the love that reached down 2010 years ago,

will carry on and on, in the hearts of those that are bound together(:

to all my friends and loved ones, BLESSED CHRISTMAS [i want a horse]:D

on a side note, am pretty busy writing songs. those who haven't ordered TH productions tickets [YES THAT MEANS YOU]

please do so ASAP:D the music is great(: